My friend Melissa came out from PA last week. We met up in SLC and I spent about 4 hours with her. It was great. She had to keep going, so that was all the time I got, but it was like it had been 11 minutes, rather than 11 years since we last saw each other.
I have been having a lot of "spite the Lord" thoughts, like "I'm just going to play poker", or "I just won't pay my tithing", and I feel like a stupid rebellious teenager. I haven't acted on any of them, but I would really like to know what I have become such a target for Satan. I am really not liking that dude! I want my happiness back, please!
I've been having a "when it rains, it pours" life - with it currently being monsoon season over at the Miller's.
As you know, Brett lost his job. He's got a new one now, doing finish carpentry, but he's only making about $31k a year (with overtime, assuming he can always have overtime), compared to the $48k that he used to be making.
Dad's not talking to me, and I think it's because he is afraid that I'll ask him for money. We were all set to refinance our house, closing last Friday (it would have taken our payment down about $600/month) and it got shut down by an auditor on Thursday, because they didn't agree with the appraisal.
So, I decided that my depression is probably a little more than I can handle on my own, and started taking Zoloft on Friday. I was having an "up" for a while, and thought that everything was good, and then found myself on a very low "down". Mostly just completely apathetic. Kids need lunch? Don't care. Kids broke something? Don't care. I realized that this was a totally unacceptable way to be. It's irrational, but I feel really dumb for not being able to "snap out of it".
Plus, I think my period is coming. Ack!
So, Brett got a job doing finish carpentry. He's not making (nearly) as much, but it has a lot more opportunities for the future (ie, he could go out on his own with finish carpentry, or get his general contractor license, etc). I applied for that telemarketing job from home, thought I had it in the bag, and never heard back from them. Weird... I think maybe I said "um" too much when I was talking to them.
There is a HUGE market out there for cloth diapers, so I am currently working on trying to learn to sew diapers to sell. I sewed my first one today, and it was pretty sad, but at least I did it, right? As soon as I don't sew a crappy one, I'll go back to cloth diapering the twins. For now they are back in disposables, because I only have two cloth diapers that I like and it would be pretty bad if they each only wore one diaper a day. :P
Because the loan had already gone through underwriting, we may still be able to close. I'll find out this next week. Pray that we can, because then we can still keep our house.
