Perpetual Unexpected Twists

I feel like I have forgotten how to be the mother of a newborn and my other children (well, in this case, two newborns). I'm not sure if it's because there are two, but I find myself with very little time to give to my 3 other kids. Plus, I haven't done laundry (except for baby stuff because I have to) or dishes (except one day when the cupboard was literally bare) since March (ish). Almost daily I fear I have over-extended myself and am doing a disservice to my children. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my kids, all five of them, I just worry that I'm not being a very good mom right now. I don't dare leave the twins alone in a room, I feel like they have to be in the same room as me all the time. Thus, I find myself spending the majority of my life in my bedroom. I've never been so paranoid before (well, maybe with Ciana since she was my first), but I just can't shake it. Still, I wouldn't dare leave them in a room by themselves. Maybe it's because they are so small, I'm not sure.

The girls had a GREAT checkup on Thursday. They both gained 9oz in 7 days, which is 2oz more than the doctor required. WOO HOO! That puts Ketera at 6lbs 7oz and Keira at 5lbs 2oz. That really made my day! Keira also got a new monitor. They replaced her Pulse Oximeter with an Apnea monitor. Hopefully this one will be more accurate and have fewer false alarms.

I cut my hair off again. Pretty much the same style as last year when I cut it off. It was just really getting in the way when I needed to nurse the babies and stuff. I figure I can start now growing it out again.

I'm really considering getting my tubes tied. It kinda freaks me out to think that I will have 4 toddlers and then eventually 4 teenagers all at the same time. Plus, I am not sure if I can afford more children - now or in the future. I remember that when Z was born I said "I'll never have more children" and felt that way until he was about 3 months old, so I am not going to make that decision just yet. Although, if I do decide to do it, I want to do it before the end of the year since it will cost me very little or possibly nothing. (I've met my deductible and potentially my out-of-pocket maximum as well.)