I'm noticing that I have a lot of feelings pent up inside of me -- mostly anger, sadness and fear. I'm also noticing that I don't allow myself to let those feelings flow -- I spend a lot of energy keeping them in, rather than spending very little energy letting them out.
I'm scared to feel angry - I'm scared that I'll hurt someone's feelings, or that I'll say something I want to take back.
In reality, I am scared to feel. Scared to feel anything but happiness. And I feel sad about that. :(
So, here's what is true right now - I feel scared, sad and angry. My eyes are watering, my jaw is clenching in the back near my ears, my nose is tingling and I have the thought that I don't know where to go from here...
and a yawn...
Julianna told her mom that she wants to come live with us - and Andrea called to tell me that she wants us to consider it. Jules is here now for a few days, while we decide and sort things out.
I'm not sure what will be the best for everyone - but that's what I am committed to.
I also sent out an email asking for referrals for me or Brett to get some work. Um, yeah, it's getting scary 'round here! Blah.
My right bottom rib is KILLING me today - and the thought of having this pain for another 2.5-3 months feels like a death sentence. I'm getting a good reminder of why this is the last baby for me!
The good news...? This too shall pass. :)
I made a commitment to myself to post *something* on my blog at least once a day. Ha ha - what fun.
So, in this moment I am feeling really excited about the JREF $1M Paranormal Challenge - my sister and I are going to take on the challenge. It's interesting, because I really think we can do it. I'll post more about this as we begin to practice.
I'm feeling really scared about my financial situation - lots of outflow and not much inflow. I'm really turning it over to God at this point, because I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel...
And, in this moment what I really want is to go and take a bath. Yum. Good night.
