Moving forward -- letting what is, be and loving it how it is.
This upheaval (wait, who called it an upheaval?) has been surprisingly painless... oh my, fun? Yeah. When I've let it be, it's been fun. When I have worried about it (fruitlessly) it has been blech-y.
I'm going to reframe --- this adventure has been a hoot! I like where I live, I like what I am doing and I am creating a lot of fulfillment.
Part of my new job is doing the administrative work for this great charity (www.inourownquietway.org), and as I have delved in to the administration, I have also found that I am volunteering a lot too. For example, see the attached pictures. We are sending two 40' shipping containers of medical, education and humanitarian supplies to Kakamega, Kenya in preparation for a medical mission in November. (Orginally we were sending one container, but the donations have flooded in...YIPPEE.) And, I "brain" knew this, but now I am experiencing it and "body" knowing it -- serving others creates joy in my life.
We're also committed to benefiting everyone involved, meaning as the recipients are blessed, so are the donors and volunteers.
So, I don't know how I am going to pay anything but my mortgage, or when or how I'll get caught up with everything else financially -- but I'm trusting that I will, and putting myself out there in service. And guess what -- people are following my lead and creating more joy in their lives (including my husband and children).
I'm digging where I am at right now.
Well, as you can probably see -- the once a day didn't really happen. I can give all sorts of excuses and reasons, but it remains that it didn't happen.
I'm realizing more and more how much sadness I hold inside. I think I let my mind convince me that I have nothing to be sad about, and then I hide the sadness, deny it. Recently SO MANY people have pointed out the deep sadness that they can see. I'm wondering what's in the sadness, and how to let it go.
One of the tricks of the human mind is that it convinces us we have to have a reason for everything... I don't think that's true. There is very little power in the question "why" -- a lot more power in "what can I learn".
Take care of me first. Advice I was given almost exactly a year ago, and still struggle with. My martyr comes out strong when I hear this. "What about the kids, what about my husband?" Me first. I'm scared of that. And, I see the value. A burned out engine won't run a car. Yeah.
Looking at my lessons....
