Twins are not as hard as I had expected. Maybe having Audesi and Zach prepped me, but it's not so bad. There are times when they are both crying and I am alone - that's hard, but it passes, you know?
I'm ready to get Zach a lung transplant. He literally catches every respiratory illness that crosses his path.
Brett stayed home from work today to keep Z & A quarantined and away from the babies.
I'm still in shock - how did this happen????
I feel like I have forgotten how to be the mother of a newborn and my other children (well, in this case, two newborns). I'm not sure if it's because there are two, but I find myself with very little time to give to my 3 other kids. Plus, I haven't done laundry (except for baby stuff because I have to) or dishes (except one day when the cupboard was literally bare) since March (ish). Almost daily I fear I have over-extended myself and am doing a disservice to my children. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my kids, all five of them, I just worry that I'm not being a very good mom right now. I don't dare leave the twins alone in a room, I feel like they have to be in the same room as me all the time. Thus, I find myself spending the majority of my life in my bedroom. I've never been so paranoid before (well, maybe with Ciana since she was my first), but I just can't shake it. Still, I wouldn't dare leave them in a room by themselves. Maybe it's because they are so small, I'm not sure.
Keira also got a new monitor. They replaced her Pulse Oximeter with an Apnea monitor. Hopefully this one will be more accurate and have fewer false alarms.
I feel like I have forgotten how to be the mother of a newborn and my other children (well, in this case, two newborns). I'm not sure if it's because there are two, but I find myself with very little time to give to my 3 other kids. Plus, I haven't done laundry (except for baby stuff because I have to) or dishes (except one day when the cupboard was literally bare) since March (ish). Almost daily I fear I have over-extended myself and am doing a disservice to my children. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my kids, all five of them, I just worry that I'm not being a very good mom right now. I don't dare leave the twins alone in a room, I feel like they have to be in the same room as me all the time. Thus, I find myself spending the majority of my life in my bedroom. I've never been so paranoid before (well, maybe with Ciana since she was my first), but I just can't shake it. Still, I wouldn't dare leave them in a room by themselves. Maybe it's because they are so small, I'm not sure.
The girls had a GREAT checkup on Thursday. They both gained 9oz in 7 days, which is 2oz more than the doctor required. WOO HOO! That puts Ketera at 6lbs 7oz and Keira at 5lbs 2oz. That really made my day! Keira also got a new monitor. They replaced her Pulse Oximeter with an Apnea monitor. Hopefully this one will be more accurate and have fewer false alarms.
I cut my hair off again. Pretty much the same style as last year when I cut it off. It was just really getting in the way when I needed to nurse the babies and stuff. I figure I can start now growing it out again.
I'm really considering getting my tubes tied. It kinda freaks me out to think that I will have 4 toddlers and then eventually 4 teenagers all at the same time. Plus, I am not sure if I can afford more children - now or in the future. I remember that when Z was born I said "I'll never have more children" and felt that way until he was about 3 months old, so I am not going to make that decision just yet. Although, if I do decide to do it, I want to do it before the end of the year since it will cost me very little or possibly nothing. (I've met my deductible and potentially my out-of-pocket maximum as well.)
We came home on Tuesday. Keira ended up needing an oxygen/pulse monitor, but it's not one that beeps all the time, just if there is a problem, so I'm not complaining. It goes off a lot, but there have only been two times that it has been a "real" alarm and she has turned blue. That is a FREAKY experience, and one I would never wish on any mother. At least she is on the monitor, so I know that it's happening even if I'm not looking at her!
Their discharge weights were: Keira 4lbs 2 oz and Ketera 5lbs 7oz.I'm glad that they sleep a lot right now, I just wish they would do it at night, not all day! My energy is pretty drained at the moment.I'm SO DANG TIRED!
The babies had a doctor's appt yesterday, and they have gained 2 oz each since their discharge. They have another appointment in the morning to check weights again, and the doctor said if Keira isn't gaining she wants to readmit her. THAT SUCKS! I've been really paying attention to what she eats now, because I don't think I can stand it if she has to go back to the hospital!
Keira also has to have 2 months apnea-free before she can be off of the monitor. That dang monitor makes it difficult even going from room to room... but, at least she's home!
Okay -- the birth story:
...continued from my last post...
On Sunday afternoon, I felt like the contractions had gotten stronger, so I headed over to the hospital again. When I got there, they checked me and I was 5cm, 80% effaced and -1 station. The doctor decided to admit me as an outpatient (rather than a delivery patient) and observe my labor overnight. So, I spent the night. I was checked a few times in the night and my cervix wasn't changing, so the doctor gave me a choice to stay or go home. I chose to go home (because sitting at the hospital is incredibly boring.) The doctor said to make sure that I came back if the contractions changed at all. Incredibly, it wasn't until Tuesday afternoon that the contractions seemed to get more frequent.
On Tuesday at about 5pm, I called my sister and my mom. My sister took me to the hospital and my mom stayed at my house with the kids. I got checked again - still 5cm and 80% effaced. I honestly expected to be sent home again. The doctor came in to talk to me, and said, "We have a few options at this point. I worry about a precipitous delivery, especially with twins. I can break your water..." I cut him off (LOL) and said "you can stop there, that's my choice." He laughed and said, "Wipe that grin off your face. This doesn't make us friends. Ha ha." I thought that was pretty funny.
Because I hadn't been tested yet for Group B Strep, I had to have 3 hours of antibiotics before they would break my water. So I was admitted and hooked up with an IV at 8:30pm. At 11:00 the anesthesia tech came in and gave me an epidural, and then the doctor came in around 11:40 and broke my water. About 2 hours after they broke my water, I started being able to feel the contractions on my right side, so the anesthesia tech came in and fixed that up for me (bless his heart). Then about 40 minutes later, I thought I could feel them again. Turns out I was actually feeling babie's head crowning. I was complete and she wasn't waiting. I was wheeled into the OR (where they deliver twins just in case of an emergency) and the doctor said, "Let's try a practice push." I pushed and out popped Baby A (Keira). "Guess that wasn't a practice." Then I pushed 3 more times (or 9 times depending on how you count it) and out came Baby B (Ketera). Keira was a little blue, so they took her over to the special care nursery and gave her some oxygen, and Ketera was breathing a little too fast, so they took her over for some IV fluids. Keira was born at 2:40am, 4lbs 11oz and 16 inches long. Ketera was born at 2:49am, 6lbs 2oz and 18 inches long. They were born on Wednesday, May 18, 2005.
We can't tell yet if they are identical - they are still a little swollen from birth, and also their weight difference makes it hard to tell. HOWEVER - they both have the same folds in their ears, the same dimple in their chin, the same baby toes that fold under their foot, and the same swirl on the back of their head, so.... maybe. The nurse said to wait a week, and see how they look then. They are doing AWESOME! Both nursing perfectly, and neither has needed any breathing assistance (other than Keira right at the first). The pediatrician has high hopes that they will be able to come home with me tomorrow. They are currently being weaned from the IV fluids, and the warmer. YAY!
Okay - I give up! This morning at 2am, I woke up to contractions. They came steadily, but weren't very painful -- however even 2 percocets weren't enough to help me sleep through them. So, finally at 5:30 I called my mom and asked her if she wanted to go for a walk with me. We went to WalMart and walked around until 8:30. By then the contractions were a little more intense, so we decided to head over to the hospital.
At the hospital the triage nurse checked me, and I was dilated to 4cm, 90% effaced and baby was at 0 station. She said "the doctor said lets wait another hour and check you again." So, an hour went by and she came back to check me. Contractions were a little worse and radiating to my back at this point. She checked me again, and I was 4+cm, 90% effaced and baby had (oddly) moved to -1 station. So, doctor said wait another hour. She checked me again that hour, and said "you are definitely changing. You are dilated to 5cm, 90% effaced and -1 station." She said that they had gotten a room ready for me, and they were just waiting for the doctor's permission to admit me. She introduced me to the L&D nurse that was assigned to me, and the L&D nurse also checked me (so she would have a baseline) and said that she would say 4+cm, 85-90% effaced and -1 station. Then she said the doctor wanted to check me himself.
About 5 minutes later the doctor came in and checked me. He said (get a load of this) that I was 3cm, 50% effaced and cervix was posterior! WHAT THE CRAP? The nurses told me after he left that he is always stingy like that. Ugh. He said he would give me one more hour and if he didn't see significant change he would send me home. Well, one more hour passed, and the L&D nurse checked me and said there was NO significant change, and she had no choice but to send me home. I was contracting every 2 minutes, with contractions at a level 6 on a 1-10 pain scale!!!
So - here I sit at home -- waiting for I don't know what before I return to the hospital. I've taken two more percocet to see if maybe I can catch some sleep, since I've been up since 2am - but it's not looking good. Also, the nurse said that Baby A has totally disengaged and is free-floating again. HUH????
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME???
