Perpetual Unexpected Twists

Delta drives over bikes!

2010-06-10T20:01:00.000-07:00

I am so angry about this situation!!!

Help me get this out!

Vote for Quiet Way

2009-11-19T12:13:00.001-07:00

Give a Dam

2009-11-11T10:52:00.003-07:00

In Our Own Quiet Way has an initiative to build 1000 dams in Kenya within the next 10 years. These are small retention basins that will keep rain water from running into the Indian Ocean, and will provide a source of clean water for local villagers. Feel free to post this widget on your own website, and help us Give a Dam!

Click here

The Best Movie I have ever seen

2009-08-29T08:36:00.000-07:00

In Our Own Quiet Way

2009-07-04T12:15:00.003-07:00

I LOVE MY JOB! This is a teaser for our video blogging that will highlight our work in Kenya, Detroit, parts of Appalachia and other areas of the world to be determined! For more information about Quiet Way, visit our Facebook page here, become a fan and then check out our website here.

Thanks BluFrog Video!

New Me!

2009-04-03T18:17:00.001-07:00

I have shifted. And I am getting a lot. Like "getting it". I stay awake at night mulling over new realizations (like life is based on a foundation of relationships, and if we build solid relationships, we get a solid life -- solid in my world meaning easy, joyful, fun.)

Two weeks ago (and for most of my life before then), I was very self-sacrificing, thinking I was being a 'giver'. Now, I realize the folly of that thinking, and I am moving into being self-serving, while still creating a win-win-win. In a nutshell, I've remembered that I get to win too. Every time. Mmmmmm... warm, juicy tingles up my spine and jaw.

Lastly (for now), I see the fulfillment and ease of letting other people's 'stuff' be theirs. I can't fix anybody's problems for them. I can love them, I can support them, and I can walk away and let their chips fall where they may. My 'Savior' persona has found a new job, and is there with a loving hug, and giggly snuggles, AND unwilling to bear anyone else's burdens. Yep. That's DAMNED cool! And I'm grinning from ear to ear.

Ready to play!

And I'm going to Kenya on Monday. YIPPPEEE!!!

Ooops!

2009-02-02T14:33:00.002-07:00

I've gotten REALLY busy, and have been remiss in my posting. I noticed today that I was tagged last month on Suzie's blog, and figured 'better late than never'.

RULES~
1- Post the rules on your blog
2- List 6 random things about yourself.
3- Tag 6 people at the end of your post.
4- Let each person know they have been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
5- Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

1 - I am wearing a really pretty blue shirt today.
2 - I don't have my original wedding ring. I upgraded about a year ago.
3 - I used to be fluent in Dutch.
4 - I drink a gallon of water with chlorophyll in it almost every day.
5 - I have seven children that I have given birth to - 2 boys and 5 girls - and they range from 13 years to 5 months old.
6 - I got a new phone, traded it back for another new phone, and got my first new phone back all in 2 days last week.

I am tagging:

1 - Suzie
2 - Arianne
3 - Holly
4 - Chelsea
5 - Jennifer
6 - Tib

Those are the people that I know have a blog. LOL

LOSER!!!

2008-12-17T09:12:00.004-07:00

Okay - this is SIMPLY AWESOME!

Here are today's stats:

Weight 192 lbs - down another 5 lbs for a total of 28 lbs
Waist 38" - down 2" more for a total of 8"
Chest (across nipples) 40" - down 2" total
Chest (under breasts) 34.5" - down 3" total
R Arm 12.25" - down 2.25" total
L Arm 12.25" - down 2.25" total
Hips 44.5" - down 2.5" more for a total 5.5"
R Thigh 25" - down 4"
L Thigh 25.25" - down 3.25"
R Above Knee 17.5" - down 1.5"
L Above Knee 18" - down 1.5"
R Calf 15" - down .5"
L Calf 15" - down 1"
Neck 13.75" - same

TOTAL INCHES LOST 34.75"

And... the coup de grace...

Check out these photos (tape measure shows original measurement!)

YAHOOOOOO!!!

Weigh in, weigh in!!

2008-11-17T10:16:00.002-07:00

Weight 197 lbs - down 23 lbs
Waist 40" - down 6"
Chest (across nipples) 40.5" - down 1.5"
Chest (under breasts) 36.5" - down 1"
R Arm 12.5" - down 2"
L Arm 12.25" - down 2.25"
Hips 47" - down 3"
R Thigh 27" - down 2"
L Thigh 27.5" - down 1"
R Above Knee 17.5" - down 1.5"
L Above Knee 18.25" - down 1.25"
R Calf 15.25" - down .25"
L Calf 15.75" - down .25"
Neck 13.75" - same

DOWN 22 INCHES!!!

Quick

2008-11-04T14:50:00.001-07:00

205!!! Yipppeee! And that's with taking a one-week hiatus to have a tubal ligation. YAY ME!

Weigh-In

2008-10-11T13:53:00.003-07:00

New measurements:

(I didn't measure everything, because I couldn't remember what I had measured last time)

Waist 43 down 3
Chest (under breasts) 36.5 down 1
Neck 14 up .25
R Thigh 29 no change
L Thigh 29.5 up 1
Hips 49 down 1

Weight 211 down 9 (up 2 from last week) :(

Total inches lost: 3.75
Total weight lost: 9lbs

Here we go!!

2008-10-01T14:10:00.003-07:00

I can't believe I am doing this, but I really want some help being accountable, and I think that showing the whole world where I am at will be a BIG help!! :)

Measurements:

Weight 220 lbs
Waist 46"
Chest (across nipples) 42"
Chest (under breasts) 37.5"
R Arm 14.5"
L Arm 14.5"
Hips 50"
R Thigh 29"
L Thigh 28.5"
R Above Knee 19"
L Above Knee 19.5"
R Calf 15.5"
L Calf 16"
Neck 13.75"

Disappearing

2008-09-29T13:32:00.003-07:00

At least that's what I hope will happen... meaning that I would like to see nearly 1/3 of myself disappear. I'm going to be chronicling my weight loss here for the next 6 weeks. I've entered in the Greatest TransFORMation Contest at http://www.8867035.myo3world.com

I'll be utilizing both the FORM pills and the FIXX shake from O3 in this transformation.

Cool -- let the disappearing begin!

Stay tuned for pictures and measurements!

YIPPPEEE!

2008-08-09T13:04:00.003-07:00

Woo-woot! Lovin' life! (That's a quote from my sister, Holly Sue). And it's how I feel. We are wrapping up the Princess Festival, and it has been a whirlwind, thrill-ride!
(See some highlights here.)

I am feeling really happy right now -- it's amazing to me how quickly and easily serving others lifts me up!!

Aaaahhhhh... I'm basking in it!

Ahhhhh...

2008-07-25T11:41:00.003-07:00

Moving forward -- letting what is, be and loving it how it is.

This upheaval (wait, who called it an upheaval?) has been surprisingly painless... oh my, fun? Yeah. When I've let it be, it's been fun. When I have worried about it (fruitlessly) it has been blech-y.

I'm going to reframe --- this adventure has been a hoot! I like where I live, I like what I am doing and I am creating a lot of fulfillment.

Part of my new job is doing the administrative work for this great charity (www.inourownquietway.org), and as I have delved in to the administration, I have also found that I am volunteering a lot too. For example, see the attached pictures. We are sending two 40' shipping containers of medical, education and humanitarian supplies to Kakamega, Kenya in preparation for a medical mission in November. (Orginally we were sending one container, but the donations have flooded in...YIPPEE.) And, I "brain" knew this, but now I am experiencing it and "body" knowing it -- serving others creates joy in my life.
We're also committed to benefiting everyone involved, meaning as the recipients are blessed, so are the donors and volunteers.

So, I don't know how I am going to pay anything but my mortgage, or when or how I'll get caught up with everything else financially -- but I'm trusting that I will, and putting myself out there in service. And guess what -- people are following my lead and creating more joy in their lives (including my husband and children).

I'm digging where I am at right now.

Sad

2008-07-19T10:42:00.003-07:00

Well, as you can probably see -- the once a day didn't really happen. I can give all sorts of excuses and reasons, but it remains that it didn't happen.
I'm realizing more and more how much sadness I hold inside. I think I let my mind convince me that I have nothing to be sad about, and then I hide the sadness, deny it. Recently SO MANY people have pointed out the deep sadness that they can see. I'm wondering what's in the sadness, and how to let it go.
One of the tricks of the human mind is that it convinces us we have to have a reason for everything... I don't think that's true. There is very little power in the question "why" -- a lot more power in "what can I learn".
Take care of me first. Advice I was given almost exactly a year ago, and still struggle with. My martyr comes out strong when I hear this. "What about the kids, what about my husband?" Me first. I'm scared of that. And, I see the value. A burned out engine won't run a car. Yeah.
Looking at my lessons....

Feelings

2008-06-15T22:29:00.002-07:00

I'm noticing that I have a lot of feelings pent up inside of me -- mostly anger, sadness and fear. I'm also noticing that I don't allow myself to let those feelings flow -- I spend a lot of energy keeping them in, rather than spending very little energy letting them out.
I'm scared to feel angry - I'm scared that I'll hurt someone's feelings, or that I'll say something I want to take back.
In reality, I am scared to feel. Scared to feel anything but happiness. And I feel sad about that. :(

So, here's what is true right now - I feel scared, sad and angry. My eyes are watering, my jaw is clenching in the back near my ears, my nose is tingling and I have the thought that I don't know where to go from here...
and a yawn...

Parenting Panic

2008-06-14T22:08:00.003-07:00

Julianna told her mom that she wants to come live with us - and Andrea called to tell me that she wants us to consider it. Jules is here now for a few days, while we decide and sort things out.
I'm not sure what will be the best for everyone - but that's what I am committed to.

I also sent out an email asking for referrals for me or Brett to get some work. Um, yeah, it's getting scary 'round here! Blah.

My right bottom rib is KILLING me today - and the thought of having this pain for another 2.5-3 months feels like a death sentence. I'm getting a good reminder of why this is the last baby for me!

The good news...? This too shall pass. :)

My moment

2008-06-13T21:56:00.003-07:00

I made a commitment to myself to post *something* on my blog at least once a day. Ha ha - what fun.

So, in this moment I am feeling really excited about the JREF $1M Paranormal Challenge - my sister and I are going to take on the challenge. It's interesting, because I really think we can do it. I'll post more about this as we begin to practice.

I'm feeling really scared about my financial situation - lots of outflow and not much inflow. I'm really turning it over to God at this point, because I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel...

And, in this moment what I really want is to go and take a bath. Yum. Good night.

Wondering

2008-05-04T19:51:00.002-07:00

I've recently learned the power of wondering. There is a lot of creative power in the simple sound and process of 'hmmmmmmm....' Today I am wondering how I can increase my income exponentially, without an equivalent increase in my workload.
Yep, I know it's possible, and that's what I want.
Wondering...
Hmmmmm.....
Hmmmmm....

Head Games

2008-04-28T18:05:00.003-07:00

OUCH! I'm 22 weeks pregnant, and sitting here having Braxton-Hicks contractions. They are pretty regular, but on a scale of 1-10, probably only about a 3 on the pain scale. In the past I would have freaked, but I've been through this before with my last two pregnancies. So, the head game I am playing with myself is this:
Do I go get a shot of terbutaline (which I HATE) to stop the contractions, or do I just deal? Going to the hospital is a pain in the butt on SO many levels, but then these contractions are REALLY bugging me.
ACK! What's a girl to do?

p.s. - I'm not sure how to post my friends' blogs on the right hand side -- any tips? :)

Double Ovens

2008-04-27T16:11:00.000-07:00

Yep - You get to share in my random thoughts!

I got a double wall oven in my new house, and I really like it - I like having two ovens for when I am really going to town and cooking up a storm -- HOWEVER, I really DO NOT like how high the dang thing is. I feel like I am going to burn my arms every time I reach into the oven. I'm sure it's something I'll get used to, but it sure is annoying.

I just had the realization that unless I am cooking in two ovens, I really could use the bottom oven. HA! I love my crazy mind!

Coming out ...

2008-04-18T15:46:00.002-07:00

Ok, not in the way you might think... as many of you know, I own The Crystal Ray. Oddly enough, I hesitate to tell some people. I make up these stories in my mind that they'll judge me, or whatever. In reality, I have had only good experiences with regards to my store ownership, my energy healing (Reiki), et al. So, I'm dropping this silly mantel of hiding. Here I am!

I believe in Angels (and I talk to them)
I believe in the healing power of crystals
I practice (and LOVE) Reiki
I know I have a purpose in this life and I am fulfilling it
I know I can be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints AND still have all of the above be true!

So, yeah, there it is - flapping in the wind. LOL (Ha ha - not all-inclusive. Now I am looking at it realizing how random it is... ) Whatev. :)

That's all for today!

Amused

2007-11-08T17:07:00.003-07:00

I've realized that I haven't kept up very well since Art died. I have done a lot of things, and the thought of summarizing it seems overwhelming.

For that reason, you get it in a nutshell. I went to Impact Trainings in July 2006 - had another baby in October 2006 (Torin) - learned Reiki in late 2006 - went to the Hendricks Institute in July 2007 and signed on as an apprentice to Katie Hendricks - I am in the process of creating the world's greatest networking website for conscious people and opening an metaphysical healing and supply store with my sisters Liberty & Holly - Yeah, life is good.

I found this in my email, and decided to post it. (It was kind of the start of this awesome shift in my life)...

The ways that the Impact training has served me are numerous.

1 – Attending and experiencing the training with my husband has changed our bond forever. We are now bound soul to soul in a way we had never experienced before. We have seen each other in our excellence. We had an opportunity to experience communication on a level neither of us knew existed, and it brought us to a place together where we knew that working together we could take on anything that was presented to us!

2 – I not only know who I am, I know that it’s okay to acknowledge who I am. I always knew I was forgiving, but never allowed myself to admit it others. I am forgiving (among many other things).

3 – I recognize the games I play, and am able to quickly nip them in the bud before they begin playing me. I am the same person in any crowd, because I am ME.

4 – I love everyone, literally everyone. While I may not like their masks, or walls, or games, I am able to look beyond those without judgment and know that they are just a precious and perfect as I am, and always worthy of love!

5 – I speak a language of increase, and that has rippled out to my children. My children are happier people because of the training and tools I received.

6 – I know that I can have/do/accomplish anything. Literally anything. That is powerful, and I am grateful for that every day!!

7 – Not only do I love my husband, but other people see and love him too. I consider that a great blessing, because I have always known how great he is!

8 – I am remembering how awesome it is to serve others. It’s amazing to reach out and make a ripple, and even more amazing when I get to see that ripple go far and wide. AWESOME!

I am so amused as I go back and read my previous posts. Even for an optimist, I was pretty pessimistic. My whole outlook on life has changed, and I think that is groovy as hell! LOL

There is a part of me that says "Look out world, because I AM!" Woot!

Lovin' Life, Baby!

p.s. For the record, I AM a loving, joyful, healing, inspiring woman of light! YES I AM!

Alaska

2007-09-27T21:34:00.000-07:00

I did SO much it felt like much longer than 7 days! Our ports were Juneau, Skagway and Price Rupert Island, BC.
In Juneau my mom and I went on a whale-watching boat ride. We saw about 8-10 whales, included a breech! It was so cool! We also saw a couple of sea lions hanging out on a Buoy. And, DOZENS of Bald Eagles!

Then in Skagway I, Liberty and Melanie canoed out to the Davidson Glacier. It is the MOST AMAZING thing I have ever seen! We canoed up to about 100 feet from the face of the glacier (couldn't get any closer because it's unsafe). The ice in the glacier is so blue, it literally looks like someone poured food coloring into it. The water we canoed on was so cold that if anyone had fallen in, the would be hypothermic in fewer than 2 minutes. Brrrrr....

After that, we all (including my mom) went to a glass-blowing studio and got to blow our own glass ornaments. It was awesome!!

The next day was a sea day and we spent A LOT of time in the spa. We made friends with the spa girls and got great discounts! LOL

In Prince Rupert Lib, Mel and I went kayaking along the coast. We saw quite a few seals and again a lot of bald eagles. It was POURING rain, so we got SOAKED!! But, it was a blast anyway.

That night the show on the boat was the Rock and Roll Hall of Famers The Coasters (of Yakity Yak fame)... AND..... I GOT TO SING WITH THEM ONSTAGE! They said "we're going to sing a little ditty by a friend of ours, Tennessee Ernie..." and I shouted as loud as I could "YEAAAAAAAAH"... They asked "who did that?" and I raised my hand. They asked me to come up to the stage and Larry asked me how I could possibly know a Tennessee Ernie Ford song because I am SO young (ha ha) and I told them that my dad used to sing them to me as lullabies. So, he asked me if I would sing Sixteen Tons with them. I DID! I sang Sixteen Tons (some of it solo) with THE COASTERS! Yahoooo!!!! It was so nerve-wracking and so fun all at the same time. My mom took pictures, so I'll post them as soon as she gets them to me. For the rest of the cruise people kept asking me if I was the one who sang with the Coasters. LOL

Melanie and I went to the Disco every night and had a blast, in spite of the many, many overly pushy come-ons.

It was an AMAZING vacation and we are DEFINITELY planning another girls-only vacation for next year!

Torin

2006-11-07T22:21:00.000-07:00

Torin Arthur Miller was born on October 23, 2006. I think he looks a LOT like Audesi and a LOT like Art! Lucky boy!

Art... again

2006-03-08T12:59:00.000-07:00

I still can't believe that he is really dead. I look at his picture, and it looks just like him, and then I remember. Oh yeah, he'll never laugh like that again, never sing like that again. And then I think, "c'mon... dead? He can't be dead!" This just really sucks!

Holy Crap

2006-03-08T00:47:00.000-07:00

I'm pregnant again. Seriously. How can it be so hard and time-consuming to conceive one baby (or in my case, two) and then suddenly just find yourself pregnant? That's crazy!
Since I found out, I have had just a little underlying tinge of nausea, but no full-blown, please-kill-me-now morning sickness. I'm hoping that I can have another easy pregnancy like I had with Ciana and Audesi. Here's hoping!

Art

2006-02-21T16:49:00.000-07:00

My big brother Art died yesterday. He was in a car accident in Cedar City. It appears he hit an icy patch, overcorrected and flipped his car in the median. He was only 31. It is unbelievably devastating to go through this. I've always known when people die, that I'll see them again someday, but I don't want to see Art again someday! I want to see him any day I please, and now that is gone.
He has 4 daughters, 14, 13, and nearly 2-year-old twins. It's hardest for me to think of them having to grow up without their dad. I fear that the twins will never know the great dad that they had!
This is his obituary:

Eagle Scout, Arthur Austin ("Art") Hatfield, 31, (Provo, Utah) passed away at the LDS Hospital in Salt Lake City on February 20, 2006 from injuries sustained in an automobile accident. He was born November 13, 1974 in Payson, Utah and is the son of Ronald Arthur and Maurine (Cope) Hatfield of Lindon, Utah. Art is survived by "the love of his life," Tia Roylance and their twin daughters, Caramia and Desdemona; two daughters, Asierleigh and Savannah, of Kissimmee, Florida, from a previous marriage (Julie Ann Farley); his parents; one brother, Morgan Emerson (Melanie) Hatfield of Lindon Utah; six sisters: Harmony (Bob) Greenberg, Shauna Teasdale and Holly Sue Hatfield, of Pleasant Grove Utah, Crystal Rae (Brett) Miller of Orem, Utah, Sunny Jo (James) Lawrence of Provo, Utah; Liberty (Mark) Mason of Spanish Fork and his grandparents, James Austin Cope, Jr. and Florence (Fairbanks) Cope, also of Spanish Fork; thirty one nieces and nephews; hundreds of aunts, uncles and cousins, and a former wife, Mary Hill. Art was a doting father and uncle and his playful teasing will be very much missed by the children. His family will miss his unfailing cheerfulness, optimism, and love.
Art's childhood education was in Orem schools. He received an associate degree in electronics from Barstow College and two bachelor degrees (English literature and business) from Utah Valley State College. He loved learning and had aspirations of obtaining a doctorate degree.An achievement of which Art was especially proud, was an honorable tour of duty in the U. S. Army. He possessed a deep, abiding loyalty to the flag and the United States of America. Art enjoyed his occupation of landscaping and sprinkler system installation and maintenance. He loved physical labor and was a hard worker.
Known by many of his friends as "Ferenczy," a local singer and song artist, Art loved his fans. He built a music legacy with his tender and uniquely styled folk songs.

Following a viewing at the Berg Mortuary in Provo, Utah, 185 East Center
Street on Friday, February 24 from 6:00 to 8:00 pm and a graveside service at
the Orem City Cemetery, 1500 North 800 East, on Saturday February 25 at 12:00
noon, Interment will be at the Orem City Cemetery.
Keep singing, "Rock Star"

Time keeps moving!

2005-12-30T08:09:00.000-07:00

I will be 30 in two days. There is something very wrong with that. How can a young girl like me turn 30? Also, I realized today just how gross my body has become. Ew.
I have t least 35 lbs to lose by Dec 31, 2006. It's going to be an interesting year!

NEIL!!!

2005-12-17T00:13:00.000-07:00

My BIL, Mark, bought my sister, Liberty, tickets to Neil Diamond, and we went last night. AWESOME!!! AWESOME!!!! It was such a good time! Even though Neil is old, he does a KICK BUTT concert. It was seriously the best.

Keira got her helmet on Tuesday. I haven't taken a picture yet. I'm pretty much hanging out in denial. She doesn't mind it, though. I'm not even sure if she is aware it's there... I pray that she won't have to wear it for long!

San Diego

2005-11-29T11:15:00.000-07:00

So, we went to San Diego over Thanksgiving weekend with my sister and BIL. It was A BLAST! (It was a good warm-up for our trip to LA!) We went to Legoland (lame) and also to Sea World (KICK BUTT!) That was my first time in California since Dad took us to Disneyland however many years ago. We also went to the beach on Sunday, and the kids had the best time. (Well, Zach was scared to DEATH of the water, but had a raging good time playing in the sand!) LOL

Keira has plagiocephaly (aka, “Flat Head Joe”), and she was cast for her helmet today (see attached pictures). Yes, Keira is going to be “Helmet Head” until her soft little skull reshapes itself. She should have the helmet in 10-14 days. She has to wear it for 23 hours a day. I don’t know for how long… anywhere from 1-6 months. Ack. Twins are a lot of fun, but often a pain in the keister, well the medical conditions anyway. Aargh! $1500 out of my pocket for this stupid thing. She should have been a little pushier when Ketty was hanging out on top of her, huh?

Hooray!

2005-11-13T01:19:00.000-07:00

I have some exciting news! Keira has a TOOTH! Yay! I'm not really sure why I am so excited... I think mostly because it proves she isn't a runt. I don't know if that makes sense or not...

Audesi had a great birthday. Our family is good about showing up for things like that.

Huh...

2005-11-07T12:20:00.000-07:00

The twins have started to roll a lot. Ketera prefers to be on her tummy. It’s funny how different their personalities are. Keira is a total entertainer, class clown type, and Ketera is just a demure, wall-flower type. They also have varying strengths and weaknesses. Ketera loves to eat food, while Keira acts like you have just put poop in her mouth, and gags and chokes, refusing to swallow. Keira chatters and chatters, and Ketera barely talks.

Audesi is just about to have her birthday. She reminds me everyday. I told her that when she is 4, and Zachary is 3, and Ciana is 10, and Holly is home, we are going to Disneyland. Of course, she heard “when you are 4, we are going to Disneyland.” I have to keep telling her that she has to wait for ALL of those things. Ha ha.

Brett loves his new job. Woo hoo! Everyone keeps commenting on how much happier he is. It’s great.

Sickenstein!

2005-10-10T15:23:00.000-07:00

I am SO sick and tired of Zach having weak lungs. Audesi got a cold the other day, had a little cough, whatever. The next day Zach looks like he is going to die. He was pale, breathing shallow, fever of 102, hacking cough, etc. GIVE ME A BREAK! This is only the beginning of a winter-full of pneumonia. BLAH!

Keira

2005-10-02T15:05:00.000-07:00

Keira has the FLATTEST head. It's called plagiocephally. It sucks, and I am really worried that she won't grow out of it. Imagine pigtails on that head. Weird.

Hum de dum...

2005-09-25T17:40:00.000-07:00

The twins had their 4-month appt. They failed almost every milestone. It made me sad, but the doctor kept reassuring me that they are preemies, so they aren't really 4 months old in the first place. I kind of had it in my mind that they were average, and in being average (for a
4-month-old) were actually above average. Does that make sense? They weighed 11lbs 13oz (Keira) and 11lbs 14oz (Ketera). Keira's head and neck are all messed up, though. She has torticollis and also has a very flat head (think of a circle with one side cut off). She has this new Bumbo seat that she is supposed to sit in, to stay off of the back of her head, and to help strengthen her neck muscles on the one side, and she HATES it!

Also, they tried cereal for the first time. Ketera could take it or leave it, but Keira was OFFENDED that I would put such a thing in her mouth. LOL So funny.

I let Ciana and Audesi put red streaks in their hair on Weds. They think it is the coolest thing ever! Ha ha.

I don't want to be old and fat!!!

2005-09-18T15:17:00.000-07:00

I got all the proof I needed yesterday that I am old and fat. I was playing with my kids, and they wanted to see me do a head stand. I got down, kicked my feet up and CRACK - something in my back popped from the enormous weight, and I was immobilized. I couldn't move, and it hurt to breath. I was sure I had broken my back. Obviously I didn't. After a horrifying 60 seconds or so, I was able to stand up and take a few deep breaths. My back is now REALLY sore, and I'm never doing a head stand again.

I did Mary Tyler Moore's aerobics tape with Ciana last night, and let's just say I had NO idea how out-of-shape I got in my pregnancy. I shouldn't have given my gym pass to my BIL! I am seriously considering getting a new one. This CAN'T go on!!!

Sheesh!

2005-09-15T21:28:00.000-07:00

Whoever said being a mother is not work needs a smack in the face! I have been REALLY REALLY busy with the twins, and then add the toddlers to that, and I want to throw in the proverbial towel! The twins are growing so well. I am still exclusively breastfeeding, and I have to say, I am pretty proud of myself. I was about to give in and start supplementing them 2 months ago, but their pediatrician convinced me to stick it out a while longer. I am SO glad that I did! The last time the were weighed (at 3 1/2 months) they both weighed 11lbs 12oz. Amazing!

I know I wrote that I wasn't going to have any more kids, but I decided that I need to have one more... a nice even number. Then I'll either get my tubes tied, or have Brett get snipped. I am actually looking forward to having the last one, and moving on to the "next phase" in my life.

Wow - those paragraphs are really incongruous, aren't they? Ha ha ha.

Babies

2005-09-10T23:29:00.000-07:00

The babies were blessed last week, and it was really cool. It was totally one of the most spiritual experiences in my life, even though it was "just" baby blessings. Mostly because I felt the spirit again for the first time in a long time, more than anything else...

Um, I am going to have one more baby and then call it quits... I hope it's a girl, so I can name her Cedar Rose or Cedar Sue. After this last one I am going to have my tubes tied. (Unless it's twins again, because I am going for an even number...) It kind of makes me sad that I won't have any more babies, but I think I have reached my limit, you know?

Brett really likes his job, and I think he may actually "go somewhere" with this one. He wants to get his general contractor's license as soon as he is eligible, but I think he'll just continue to do finish carpentry - rather than build houses.

Visitor

2005-08-28T11:51:00.000-07:00

My friend Melissa came out from PA last week. We met up in SLC and I spent about 4 hours with her. It was great. She had to keep going, so that was all the time I got, but it was like it had been 11 minutes, rather than 11 years since we last saw each other.

Random

2005-08-22T09:46:00.000-07:00

I have been having a lot of "spite the Lord" thoughts, like "I'm just going to play poker", or "I just won't pay my tithing", and I feel like a stupid rebellious teenager. I haven't acted on any of them, but I would really like to know what I have become such a target for Satan. I am really not liking that dude! I want my happiness back, please!

Monsoon

2005-08-22T07:44:00.000-07:00

I've been having a "when it rains, it pours" life - with it currently being monsoon season over at the Miller's.

As you know, Brett lost his job. He's got a new one now, doing finish carpentry, but he's only making about $31k a year (with overtime, assuming he can always have overtime), compared to the $48k that he used to be making.

Dad's not talking to me, and I think it's because he is afraid that I'll ask him for money. We were all set to refinance our house, closing last Friday (it would have taken our payment down about $600/month) and it got shut down by an auditor on Thursday, because they didn't agree with the appraisal.

So, I decided that my depression is probably a little more than I can handle on my own, and started taking Zoloft on Friday. I was having an "up" for a while, and thought that everything was good, and then found myself on a very low "down". Mostly just completely apathetic. Kids need lunch? Don't care. Kids broke something? Don't care. I realized that this was a totally unacceptable way to be. It's irrational, but I feel really dumb for not being able to "snap out of it". I hope the Zoloft works.

Plus, I think my period is coming. Ack!

Dang

2005-08-13T19:39:00.000-07:00

So, Brett got a job doing finish carpentry. He's not making (nearly) as much, but it has a lot more opportunities for the future (ie, he could go out on his own with finish carpentry, or get his general contractor license, etc). I applied for that telemarketing job from home, thought I had it in the bag, and never heard back from them. Weird... I think maybe I said "um" too much when I was talking to them.

There is a HUGE market out there for cloth diapers, so I am currently working on trying to learn to sew diapers to sell. I sewed my first one today, and it was pretty sad, but at least I did it, right? As soon as I don't sew a crappy one, I'll go back to cloth diapering the twins. For now they are back in disposables, because I only have two cloth diapers that I like and it would be pretty bad if they each only wore one diaper a day. :P

Because the loan had already gone through underwriting, we may still be able to close. I'll find out this next week. Pray that we can, because then we can still keep our house.

It's the Final Countdown

2005-08-07T07:36:00.000-07:00

So, Brett lost his job on Thursday. I'm not surprised, as it seemed like they were trying to push him out by not giving him any good work. They accused him of stealing something he had bought and paid for a year ago. I know he has a reputation, but he has always admitted guilt when caught, and he swears he paid for this particular item. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt... It sucks though, and I have no idea what our future looks like. I'm pretty much still in denial, because it seems so unfathomable that we will even be able to SURVIVE now.

I applied for a telemarketing job that I can do from home. If I get it, I have to figure out how to have a "quiet work environment" and not have to put my kids in daycare... of course, I can probably qualify for state assistance for daycare. I wouldn't put the twins in, but it probably would be a lot of fun for Zach and Audesi. I don't know how enthusiastic Brett is going to be about finding a job. He can take care of them until then, right?

This sucks, you know?

Sorry to be such a downer this week. It's been kinda crappy. Blah.

Hola

2005-07-10T13:05:00.000-07:00

I've had a BIG TIME "I miss Holly" week. I think I may be having a little postpartum depression... none of the "I want to kill my babies" kind, just the "I hate my life and don't want it anymore" kind. The twins are actually getting harder rather than easier. I guess if I had been logical, I would have realized that would happen. They both demand so much more attention now, and I have a hard time appeasing both. UGH. I hear it gets better by the time they are 4. LOL I need a nanny.

Brett just finished Dad's deck last night, so I should have him home again for a while. It's amazing how much he helps, what a great guy (even when I think he's being a big fat grumpy jerk.)

Up/Down

2005-07-03T23:03:00.000-07:00

So, I had an emotional meltdown on Friday. I'm not going to stress you out with the details, but suffice it to say it was a long horrible day.
Something good did come out of it though. I was able to sit down with Dad and be STRAIGHT UP honest with him about some feelings I had been having, and that made me feel better. As a result of said meltdown, Brett and I are selling the house, and Brett is going to get a new job.

We went to The Mayan yesterday to celebrate Grandma Miller's birthday (today July 3) and when they started playing the dramatic music that indicates the divers are about to go, I about lost it. I was getting all teary-eyed and emotional. It was SO dumb. But, it made me think of Holly, because she gets emotional over dumb stuff too!

2005-06-22T22:56:00.000-07:00

Twins are not as hard as I had expected. Maybe having Audesi and Zach prepped me, but it's not so bad. There are times when they are both crying and I am alone - that's hard, but it passes, you know?

So, Sam called me the other day and wanted to know the exact amount of child support that he owed me, and I said "around $7k". He said, "I thought it was more like $5k." I asked why and he said he wanted to get caught up (by adding a small amount to each monthly payment so he is current by the time Ciana reaches 18). I said, "I'll compromise and we'll say $6k." He hemmed and hahed, but finally agreed. We'll see how long that lasts.

AAAARGH! Zach and Audesi have RSV! I think they picked it up from Chase. How in the heck did they all catch RSV in the middle of June??? I am so worried about the twins catching it. I cannot handle it if they end up hospitalized!
I'm ready to get Zach a lung transplant. He literally catches every respiratory illness that crosses his path.
Brett stayed home from work today to keep Z & A quarantined and away from the babies.
I'm still in shock - how did this happen????

What else? I dunno. Please pray for me and Brett. We're pretty broke - he's making the same as winter hours this quarter because he pay went WAY down. (Stupid-gay Lone Peak Trailers.) Dad and Morgan have given him some work, but it's just enough to cover the bills.

2005-06-11T22:53:00.000-07:00

I feel like I have forgotten how to be the mother of a newborn and my other children (well, in this case, two newborns). I'm not sure if it's because there are two, but I find myself with very little time to give to my 3 other kids. Plus, I haven't done laundry (except for baby stuff because I have to) or dishes (except one day when the cupboard was literally bare) since March (ish). Almost daily I fear I have over-extended myself and am doing a disservice to my children. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my kids, all five of them, I just worry that I'm not being a very good mom right now. I don't dare leave the twins alone in a room, I feel like they have to be in the same room as me all the time. Thus, I find myself spending the majority of my life in my bedroom. I've never been so paranoid before (well, maybe with Ciana since she was my first), but I just can't shake it. Still, I wouldn't dare leave them in a room by themselves. Maybe it's because they are so small, I'm not sure.

The girls had a GREAT checkup on Thursday. They both gained 9oz in 7 days, which is 2oz more than the doctor required. WOO HOO! That puts Ketera at 6lbs 7oz and Keira at 5lbs 2oz. That really made my day!
Keira also got a new monitor. They replaced her Pulse Oximeter with an Apnea monitor. Hopefully this one will be more accurate and have fewer false alarms.

Oh yeah, I cut my hair off again. Pretty much the same style as last year when I cut it off. It was just really getting in the way when I needed to nurse the babies and stuff. I figure I can start now growing it out again.

I'm really considering getting my tubes tied. It kinda freaks me out to think that I will have 4 toddlers and then eventually 4 teenagers all at the same time. Plus, I am not sure if I can afford more children - now or in the future. I remember that when Z was born I said "I'll never have more children" and felt that way until he was about 3 months old, so I am not going to make that decision just yet. Although, if I do decide to do it, I want to do it before the end of the year since it will cost me very little or possibly nothing. (I've met my deductible and potentially my out-of-pocket maximum as well.)

Ocean's Twelve was kind of a disappointment (to me at least) - It's not that it's bad, but it wasn't great. It was only as good as Ocean's Eleven.

So, Andrea got married last night. His name is Mark. He is a total geek, but he's a serious improvement over Brad (or Bryce for that matter). Speaking of Andrea, Josh has started to get a "teenager attitude". He's always been such a good kid, I hope he doesn't blow it now. It's not like he is doing drugs or sneaking out or anything, he just talks back and argues with his mom now. Good thing he doesn't dare do it with me. LOL He goes to EFY on July 18 (same session as Asierleigh), so I hope that spiritual high helps. Sheesh - teenagers!

sigh

2005-06-11T17:47:00.000-07:00

I feel like I have forgotten how to be the mother of a newborn and my other children (well, in this case, two newborns). I'm not sure if it's because there are two, but I find myself with very little time to give to my 3 other kids. Plus, I haven't done laundry (except for baby stuff because I have to) or dishes (except one day when the cupboard was literally bare) since March (ish). Almost daily I fear I have over-extended myself and am doing a disservice to my children. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my kids, all five of them, I just worry that I'm not being a very good mom right now. I don't dare leave the twins alone in a room, I feel like they have to be in the same room as me all the time. Thus, I find myself spending the majority of my life in my bedroom. I've never been so paranoid before (well, maybe with Ciana since she was my first), but I just can't shake it. Still, I wouldn't dare leave them in a room by themselves. Maybe it's because they are so small, I'm not sure.

The girls had a GREAT checkup on Thursday. They both gained 9oz in 7 days, which is 2oz more than the doctor required. WOO HOO! That puts Ketera at 6lbs 7oz and Keira at 5lbs 2oz. That really made my day! Keira also got a new monitor. They replaced her Pulse Oximeter with an Apnea monitor. Hopefully this one will be more accurate and have fewer false alarms.

I cut my hair off again. Pretty much the same style as last year when I cut it off. It was just really getting in the way when I needed to nurse the babies and stuff. I figure I can start now growing it out again.

I'm really considering getting my tubes tied. It kinda freaks me out to think that I will have 4 toddlers and then eventually 4 teenagers all at the same time. Plus, I am not sure if I can afford more children - now or in the future. I remember that when Z was born I said "I'll never have more children" and felt that way until he was about 3 months old, so I am not going to make that decision just yet. Although, if I do decide to do it, I want to do it before the end of the year since it will cost me very little or possibly nothing. (I've met my deductible and potentially my out-of-pocket maximum as well.)

~~ WE'RE HOME!!! ~~

2005-05-27T21:44:00.000-07:00

We came home on Tuesday. Keira ended up needing an oxygen/pulse monitor, but it's not one that beeps all the time, just if there is a problem, so I'm not complaining. It goes off a lot, but there have only been two times that it has been a "real" alarm and she has turned blue. That is a FREAKY experience, and one I would never wish on any mother. At least she is on the monitor, so I know that it's happening even if I'm not looking at her!

Their discharge weights were: Keira 4lbs 2 oz and Ketera 5lbs 7oz.I'm glad that they sleep a lot right now, I just wish they would do it at night, not all day! My energy is pretty drained at the moment.I'm SO DANG TIRED!

The babies had a doctor's appt yesterday, and they have gained 2 oz each since their discharge. They have another appointment in the morning to check weights again, and the doctor said if Keira isn't gaining she wants to readmit her. THAT SUCKS! I've been really paying attention to what she eats now, because I don't think I can stand it if she has to go back to the hospital!

Keira also has to have 2 months apnea-free before she can be off of the monitor. That dang monitor makes it difficult even going from room to room... but, at least she's home!

The Twins' Birth Story

2005-05-19T15:45:00.000-07:00

Okay -- the birth story:

...continued from my last post...

On Sunday afternoon, I felt like the contractions had gotten stronger, so I headed over to the hospital again. When I got there, they checked me and I was 5cm, 80% effaced and -1 station. The doctor decided to admit me as an outpatient (rather than a delivery patient) and observe my labor overnight. So, I spent the night. I was checked a few times in the night and my cervix wasn't changing, so the doctor gave me a choice to stay or go home. I chose to go home (because sitting at the hospital is incredibly boring.) The doctor said to make sure that I came back if the contractions changed at all. Incredibly, it wasn't until Tuesday afternoon that the contractions seemed to get more frequent.

On Tuesday at about 5pm, I called my sister and my mom. My sister took me to the hospital and my mom stayed at my house with the kids. I got checked again - still 5cm and 80% effaced. I honestly expected to be sent home again. The doctor came in to talk to me, and said, "We have a few options at this point. I worry about a precipitous delivery, especially with twins. I can break your water..." I cut him off (LOL) and said "you can stop there, that's my choice." He laughed and said, "Wipe that grin off your face. This doesn't make us friends. Ha ha." I thought that was pretty funny.

Because I hadn't been tested yet for Group B Strep, I had to have 3 hours of antibiotics before they would break my water. So I was admitted and hooked up with an IV at 8:30pm. At 11:00 the anesthesia tech came in and gave me an epidural, and then the doctor came in around 11:40 and broke my water. About 2 hours after they broke my water, I started being able to feel the contractions on my right side, so the anesthesia tech came in and fixed that up for me (bless his heart). Then about 40 minutes later, I thought I could feel them again. Turns out I was actually feeling babie's head crowning. I was complete and she wasn't waiting. I was wheeled into the OR (where they deliver twins just in case of an emergency) and the doctor said, "Let's try a practice push." I pushed and out popped Baby A (Keira). "Guess that wasn't a practice." Then I pushed 3 more times (or 9 times depending on how you count it) and out came Baby B (Ketera). Keira was a little blue, so they took her over to the special care nursery and gave her some oxygen, and Ketera was breathing a little too fast, so they took her over for some IV fluids. Keira was born at 2:40am, 4lbs 11oz and 16 inches long. Ketera was born at 2:49am, 6lbs 2oz and 18 inches long. They were born on Wednesday, May 18, 2005.

We can't tell yet if they are identical - they are still a little swollen from birth, and also their weight difference makes it hard to tell. HOWEVER - they both have the same folds in their ears, the same dimple in their chin, the same baby toes that fold under their foot, and the same swirl on the back of their head, so.... maybe. The nurse said to wait a week, and see how they look then. They are doing AWESOME! Both nursing perfectly, and neither has needed any breathing assistance (other than Keira right at the first). The pediatrician has high hopes that they will be able to come home with me tomorrow. They are currently being weaned from the IV fluids, and the warmer. YAY!

I thought I knew how this went...

2005-05-14T15:22:00.000-07:00

Okay - I give up! This morning at 2am, I woke up to contractions. They came steadily, but weren't very painful -- however even 2 percocets weren't enough to help me sleep through them. So, finally at 5:30 I called my mom and asked her if she wanted to go for a walk with me. We went to WalMart and walked around until 8:30. By then the contractions were a little more intense, so we decided to head over to the hospital.

At the hospital the triage nurse checked me, and I was dilated to 4cm, 90% effaced and baby was at 0 station. She said "the doctor said lets wait another hour and check you again." So, an hour went by and she came back to check me. Contractions were a little worse and radiating to my back at this point. She checked me again, and I was 4+cm, 90% effaced and baby had (oddly) moved to -1 station. So, doctor said wait another hour. She checked me again that hour, and said "you are definitely changing. You are dilated to 5cm, 90% effaced and -1 station." She said that they had gotten a room ready for me, and they were just waiting for the doctor's permission to admit me. She introduced me to the L&D nurse that was assigned to me, and the L&D nurse also checked me (so she would have a baseline) and said that she would say 4+cm, 85-90% effaced and -1 station. Then she said the doctor wanted to check me himself.

About 5 minutes later the doctor came in and checked me. He said (get a load of this) that I was 3cm, 50% effaced and cervix was posterior! WHAT THE CRAP? The nurses told me after he left that he is always stingy like that. Ugh. He said he would give me one more hour and if he didn't see significant change he would send me home. Well, one more hour passed, and the L&D nurse checked me and said there was NO significant change, and she had no choice but to send me home. I was contracting every 2 minutes, with contractions at a level 6 on a 1-10 pain scale!!!

So - here I sit at home -- waiting for I don't know what before I return to the hospital. I've taken two more percocet to see if maybe I can catch some sleep, since I've been up since 2am - but it's not looking good. Also, the nurse said that Baby A has totally disengaged and is free-floating again. HUH????

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME???

URGH!!!

2005-05-07T14:52:00.000-07:00

So, I thought that Thursday was the night. I was awake all night with hard contractions, and the only reason I didn't go into the hospital was because I wanted to make sure I was progressed far enough that they couldn't stop me - (well, and because I couldn't think of who to call to come stay with my kids... but that's a whole different issue). I got the video camera and plugged it in to make sure it was charged, finished up my hospital bag and then sat and waited. Then I thought to myself, "I should lay down and rest so that when I do go in, I'm not exhausted from being up all night." So, I laid down around 3am. I laid there, and laid there, contractions still coming, still hurting. The last time I looked at the clock it was 5:30am. Suddenly it was 7:30am, and Brett was leaving for work. The contractions had apparently stopped and I had dozed off. I felt (and frankly still feel) so ripped off! Friday and today ... nothing. WHAT IN THE CRAP IS THAT???

Hey Lady

2005-05-02T22:45:00.000-07:00

My babies are considered "full-term" in one week. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? All this crap and I'm going to make it to term. I kinda had a feeling a couple of weeks ago. My neighbor (who had twins last month at 30 weeks) was encouraging me to get a supplemental insurance that pays you cash for every day your babies are in the NICU, and it just didn't feel right. At this point there is very little chance they would be in the NICU. My friends keep scaring me about having a boy or two boys. I would be so screwed, because I have spent about $300 on girl stuff getting ready for these munchkins.

Audesi has to have a VCUG done today (a catheter is put into her kidneys, and they are filled with radioactive dye and x-rayed) to make sure that her hydronephrosis is all cleared up. I'm nervous because I can't go in with her (x-rays and pregnancy don't mix) and they say it's a very invasive/painful procedure. I just hope she is okay. If it's not one thing, it's another.

Getting through...

2005-05-02T21:41:00.000-07:00

My babies are considered "full-term" in one week. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT? All this crap and I'm going to make it to term. I kinda had a feeling a couple of weeks ago. My neighbor (who had twins last month at 30 weeks) was encouraging me to get a supplemental insurance that pays you cash for every day your babies are in the NICU, and it just didn't feel right. At this point there is very little chance they would be in the NICU. My friends keep scaring me about having a boy or two boys. I would be so screwed, because I have spent about $300 on girl stuff getting ready for these munchkins.

Audesi has to have a VCUG done today (a catheter is put into her kidneys, and they are filled with radioactive dye and x-rayed) to make sure that her hydronephrosis is all cleared up. I'm nervous because I can't go in with her (x-rays and pregnancy don't mix) and they say it's a very invasive/painful procedure. I just hope she is okay. If it's not one thing, it's another.

Twinsters

2005-04-24T22:41:00.000-07:00

I'm convinced that these babies are going to be hanging around a little while longer. I figure if the barometric change of a full moon, AND a rainstorm didn't get them out, then they aren't ready yet.
Of course, for them that's a good thing, but for my back, and my ribs, etc.... I know once this is all over, I will have forgotten about the "bad stuff" - but why can't I just forget it now?
Anyway, I think I'll be pregnant for a good 4 weeks more at least. That's my prediction.

Crystal?

2005-04-16T19:36:00.000-07:00

So, I am doing good. I am on "modified bedrest" which means I have to be down in bed for 6 hours a day. It pretty much sucks. Lots of people are helping out with my kids, Mom, Sunny, Glenna and the RS. I can't wait to have these babies out of me. My poor body is so overstuffed it's falling apart!
Oh, I am on bedrest because I was having pre-term labor (imagine that... Miss MyKidsAlwaysComeLate having pre-term labor), and because I had protein in my urine, which can indicate toxemia. Now besides the bedrest, I have to go into the doctor once a week and have my cervix checked (it's currently 100& effaced and dilated to 1cm), and twice a week I have to go over to Labor and Delivery and have a Non-Stress Test with blood pressure monitoring done. My life has been completely overtaken by this pregnancy. Good thing I get such a GREAT thing out of it.

However, don't get your hopes up, because I am supposed to keep these babies cooking until AT LEAST May 9, and as long as possible after that, up until June 6.

Brett is trying so hard to be supportive of my bedrest and stuff, but I know it stresses him out a lot. Poor guy... I think he's rooting for an early (albeit safe) delivery.

It's pretty much status quo around here. The kids have been a little stressed due to Mom and Dad's stress, so there has been a lot more crying at night, but I can't say I blame them. I wish we could get our yard in, so I could just send them out to play. I don't know if that will ever happen.

Calypso is doing awesome. She is so cute, and so small. Liberty is doing great too. She is everything in a mother she used to criticize (and I mean that in a good way.. LOL). She still isn't having any success in breastfeeding, and it's hard to know if it because of her surgery, or just genetics. Remember both Sunny and Shauna had trouble too, and Mom did with Harma, Lib and Art. It will be interesting to see how it goes for Holly, since I am such a jersey cow. I wonder if she and I share the same breastfeeding genetics. ;)

I have to keep telling myself "it's worth it..."

2005-04-16T11:44:00.000-07:00

So, I am doing good. I am on "modified bedrest" which means I have to be down in bed for 6 hours a day. It pretty much sucks. Lots of people are helping out with my kids, Mom, Sunny, Glenna and the RS. I can't wait to have these babies out of me. My poor body is so overstuffed it's falling apart! Oh, I am on bedrest because I was having pre-term labor (imagine that... Miss MyKidsAlwaysComeLate having pre-term labor), and because I had protein in my urine, which can indicate toxemia. Now besides the bedrest, I have to go into the doctor once a week and have my cervix checked (it's currently 100& effaced and dilated to 1cm), and twice a week I have to go over to Labor and Delivery and have a Non-Stress Test with blood pressure monitoring done. My life has been completely overtaken by this pregnancy. Good thing I get such a GREAT thing out of it.

Brett is trying so hard to be supportive of my bedrest and stuff, but I know it stresses him out a lot. Poor guy... I think he's rooting for an early (albeit safe) delivery.

Traces of Lead on an Otherwise Barren Canvas

2005-02-20T22:33:00.000-07:00

So, being pregnant with twins is kind of sucky. I am way, way uncomfortable, and everyone treats me like an invalid. Then when I say, "hey, I'm not sick" they get all upset that I am putting my babies' health at risk. What the heck? I'm not a moron, and I'm really not going to put their health at risk, so back off. My doctor told me that he wants me to go on "modified bedrest" -- 3 periods of 2 hours a day where I lay down. When I asked him why, he said that is what they do at 24 weeks with twin pregnancies. Um, that's 6 hours a day, that I can't just waste "laying around" only because I am pregnant with twins. Give me a break. I asked him if there was any indication of a need for that, that I was missing, and he said no. So, I told him straight up that I was not going to be able to do that - because of both my life's requirements and my sanity. He actually laughed and said "take it easy, and use your common sense." That seems a lot more reasonable to me.

Brett is more worried than I am, so I have agreed to a 2 hour "rest period' every afternoon. That eases his mind.

The babies are techincally viable next Sunday, (at 24 weeks), but until 26 weeks, they only have a 20% chance of survival - with an 80% chance of mental retardation and/or physical handicap if they do survive. So, even though it doesn't appear that we will need to make this decision - Brett and I have decided (with the Lord's blessing) that we would not attempt to keep the babies alive, unless they were born after 26 weeks, where their chances actually flip-flop - 80% chance of survival with 20% of handicap. At 32 weeks, their chances are 90% survival and 2% handicap and then at 34 weeks they are considered term.

SNEAKED! The friggin' word is SNEAKED! Maybe they need to just make "snuck" a word, and save a lot of people a lot of trouble.

Zacher says "Holly. Mommy. Daddy. To Holly. Daddy. Three Holly. The sky. A light. Mommy."

Pregnancy - ah... the sweet bliss (NOT!)

2005-02-06T10:19:00.000-07:00

Is it summer yet? ACK! I have never been a winter person, and being pregnant (and thereby counting down TWO things) is making it much harder.

I almost ended up in Labor & Delivery yesterday. I was having some pains (but not labor) and the Dr. told me that if they got worse or stuck around to head up for an NST (Non-Stress Test). I waited, and almost went once, but then finally they went away. Don't know what was up, but haven't had a problem since. I rented a doppler, so I could find both heartbeats and that was very reassuring!

I asked my doctor at the last appointment if I had a "high" risk for PTL or just a "higher" risk - (two different, things, right?) His answer was "if you go into labor anytime after 34 weeks, we won't stop you." Um, HOW was that an answer to my question?

On the whole I'm okay - pretty uncomfortable, but I am sure that is to be expected. Way more stressed about this pregnancy than I ever was with previous pregnancies, and a little frustrated about that. I feel like I have been handicapped by being labeled "high-risk". BLECH!

2005-01-16T16:36:00.000-07:00

It still hasn't sunk in that there are two babies growing in my belly. Like, it's just so out of this world! I feel like I am in an episode of The Twilight Zone, you know? I can't even fathom things like breastfeeding, and taking them to Relief Society, etc. (Speaking of RS, I got called to teach primary today. I don't know what age yet...) TWINS! How bizarro is that?

Audesi is pretty much totally potty trained now. It's like she just decided to do it. She and Brett even went sledding and were out for 3 hours and she didn't have an accident (you know how kids get distracted when they play, and don't bother to go potty.) YAY!

A Tisket, A Tasket

2005-01-16T10:30:00.000-07:00

First of all, let me say that I HATE coming up with a Title for each new entry. That being said...

I have to wait until Feb 2 now to find out the babies' genders. I didn't know that I had to schedule a specific "ultrasound appt" so I had to reschedule and that's all they had available. :( So, what's that three more weeks?

I was thinking about the name Kaison for a boy the other day.

Audesi is pretty much totally potty trained now. It's like she just decided to do it. She and Brett even went sledding and were out for 3 hours and she didn't have an accident (you know how kids get distracted when they play, and don't bother to go potty.) YAY!

You call him Dr. Jones, Lady

2005-01-09T22:28:00.000-07:00

So, the bleeding completely stopped last Sunday night (Jan 2) - so I have been off bedrest since Monday. That's a relief because bedrest sucks!

Guess what!!! Audesi is FINALLY potty trained! She still averages one accident a day, but I'm not complaining! She tells me when she needs to go, and stays dry (mostly) all day. She has a Dora bath toy that she is earning, by having no accidents for a week. It may be a while before she gets that, but it's awesome. Zacher likes to sit on the potty too, but he never does anything. LOL

I should find out the gender of my babies on January 26th. I'm dying of anticipation. Here are the names we have chosen:

2 girls = Keira Jolie & Ketera Lue

1 each = Keira Jolie & Quentin Delmar

2 boys = Quentin Delmar & Landon *something*

(I really don't think there are two boys...)

We have family poker nights these days... ha ha ha. Every week we get together with Sunny and James and then random other siblings and play Texas Hold 'Em. It's a lot of fun. Ciana is a pretty good player. LOL

I won't be having the babies at home (since there are two, and since they are already considered a high-risk pregnancy). It makes me sad, but I figure if I am going to be at the hospital anyway, there is NO WAY I am going to pass up the chance for an epidural... Ha ha ha. I actually have to have one if I want to try to deliver the babies vaginally - it's the only way my doctors will let me try (so that if I need an emergency C-section, I am all ready for it).

Andrea's house will probably be done by next week. It's crazy to think it is finally done.

Anyway, that's all I can think to say. Sorry I don't have more.

My Life

2004-12-30T22:32:00.000-07:00

I had the SCARIEST night of my life Monday night. I went shopping with Brett and Anna (from Germany) to Jordan Landing. We had a great time and decided to go for some Chinese Food. We sat down, got our drinks and we were just getting our soup when I felt a pop and then a gush of warm fluid from my vagina. I reached down and felt just outside my jeans and my hand came back covered in blood. I panicked and ran to the bathroom, pulled down my pants and heard a "plunk". I was sobbing and freaking and I KNEW I had killed my baby. ***GROSS AHEAD*** I reached into the toilet and pulled whatever it was out to examine it. I was praying SO hard that I would not find a baby, or any piece of a baby. It was just a clot - a HUGE clot, but thankfully just a clot.

We left the restaraunt in a rush, and somehow found our way to Jordan Valley Hospital. I got checked in and I was still gushing blood (my jeans were soaked to the knees with blood). A phlebotomist came and drew my blood and another nurse came in and gave me an IV. Then yet another nurse came in with a doppler. I said "will you do me a favor?" He said "what's that?" I said, "Please, please, please find me a heartbeat!" He laughed and said that was his only goal. THANK GOD - he found one. Every 30 minutes I was filling up one of those blue bed pads with blood.

Then I had to wait about 45 minutes for an ultrasound. We went in and the tech told me that she wouldn't be able to give me any information, she could only take the pictures. Ha ha - she lied.

She started the ultrasound and suddenly said "Are we expecting only one baby?" I SCREAMED "SHUT-UP!" "There are two in there," she said. "Are they both alive?" I asked. They are!!! THEY ARE!! I am pregnant with twins and as of right now they are both still alive!! She checked for placenta previa - which she didn't see - and checked for any indication of where the blood was coming from. Everything inside my uterus is okay. The ER doc cannot explain the bleeding, but told me that she is very concerned because there was SO MUCH blood, and also told me that I need to take this VERY seriously.

My OB/Gyn said that he can't pinpoint the bleeding, but that it looks like there is nothing to be concerned about at the moment. The babies' heartbeats are strong and they are moving well. I am on STRICT bedrest until the bleeding stops and then modified bedrest thereafter. I am still in shock - I am pregnant with TWINS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2004-12-20T22:18:00.000-07:00

Mark received his own endowment on Saturday. It was SO awesome! I can't help but wonder if it will ever happen for Liberty. He paid for our family and his to go to Sizzler... it was a great day!

I think I am feeling my baby move - just butterflies and faint taps... YIPPEE!

We are going snowmobiling today - the same place we went last time. All of the Germans are coming, so I hope that they have a lot of fun. Holly would LOVE Anna, I think.

Audesi finally did it... she cut a big chunk out of her hair. She now has a short little bowl cut.

Shauna is working like MAD on her house... It looks so great!

I had better go - Brett is breathing down my neck to get going snowmobiling...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

My babies aren't babies anymore ...

2004-12-10T22:54:00.000-07:00

Zacher has gone from a baby to a little boy. Right now his favorite thing to say is "so so funny" (always 2 sos) - about 1 month ago, he would ask for a snack, but when he said it he would say "sna" (leaving off the "ck") - so I started trying to get him say "snack" by saying "sna ck ck ck". Now everytime he wants a snack (which refers ONLY to a fruit snack, by the way) he says "sna ck ck ck". And just recently (literally in the last few days) he has started transferring it. Now he says "Daddy at "work k k k"
He just started joining us for family prayer too, and when I help him pray I have to help him one word at a time. Otherwise, if I say "Dear Heavenly Father" he says "Father" or I say "Thank you for this day" he says "day", etc. So when Zach prays it is one word at a time... "Dear" "Dear" "Heavenly" "Heavenly", etc. LOL It takes a little longer, to say the least.
He also got a toddler bed this week. My sister gave me "the family one", and he is doing MUCH better than I expected. So far only one time he has gotten up at 3am and wandered into our room. YAY!

Audesi is still not potty trained. She just isn't interested. I figure that she is MUCH too stubborn to fight with, and that when she is ready she'll pretty much just do it. The cool thing is that right now when she sits on the toilet (and she tinkles every time, little monster), Zach wants to go next. He does nothing, but it's a start... So maybe I'll get lucky and they will both potty train at the same time. LOL

Ciana is still smart as a whip. I'll bet she already knows more Spanish than I know German! She is still stressing over the baptism thing. She told her dad and he said if she got baptized he would take me to court. I told her that was fine with me (the man owes me thousands of dollars in back child support - yeah right he's going to take me to court), but she just has to decide to do it. We'll see what comes. She still totally believes in Santa Claus. It's amazing really, because she said that none of her friends do. She told me that she knows he is real, because there is no way we could afford to buy everyone presents. (How bittersweet is that?)

I feel like I have blinked my eyes, and they have grown up!

The Good Stuff

2004-12-10T22:12:00.000-07:00

He still says "Holly went bye-bye" whenever he goes into the playroom (her former room).

Audesi is still not potty trained. She just isn't interested. I figure that she is MUCH too stubborn to fight with, and that when she is ready she'll pretty much just do it. The cool thing is that right now when she sits on the toilet (and she tinkles every time, little monster), Zach wants to go next. He does nothing, but it's a start... So maybe I'll get lucky and they will both potty train at the same time. LOL

Ciana is still smart as a whip. I'd love it if Holly would start writing her in Spanish (probably keep it simple still) and insist that she do the same back. I'll bet she already knows more Spanish than I know German! She is still stressing over the baptism thing. She told her dad and he said if she got baptized he would take me to court. I told her that was fine with me but she just has to decide to do it. We'll see what comes. She still totally believes in Santa Claus. It's amazing really, because she said that none of her friends do. She told me that she knows he is real, because there is no way we could afford to buy everyone presents. (How bittersweet is that?)

Brett and Mark are best friends. I can not even begin to tell you how FREAKING awesome Mark is. He brought us 4 loads of topsoil about 2 weeks ago, and then came today (while Brett was at work, so he could surprise him) and hauled off all the piles of rocks (that Brett had made with the tractor in Sept), dug out all of the stumps in the backyard and spread the topsoil (as far as it would go, which is pretty much just the front yard). He did that all while Brett was at work, so he would come home to a big surprise. How cool is that? I told Liberty today that if she divorces him, I am keeping him!

Josh and Jules have both really blossomed here. It's hard to believe the difference in these kids. Julianna has straight A's (Julianna!!!!) - her math is up from a D- last semester. And all it can be accredited to is her actually making an effort. She also has friends, at least 5 that I know of, and they come to her house and play and she goes to their houses and plays. SHE HAS FRIENDS! Regardless of anything, I know that having these kids move down here was absolutely the right thing to do.

Josh has good friends, and even though he is still a bit of a follower, he is following the crowd that goes every Thursday at 5am to do baptisms for the dead, etc etc. I am so stoked.

Vato

2004-11-21T22:04:00.000-07:00

I'm not feeling very well, so I will have to make this brief.

Once, in London we were walking out of the train station, and all of sudden a door opened out of the wall and this GIANT was standing there. I screamed and it scared him. That was pretty funny. I was just thinking of that this morning for some reason. Ha ha

That reminds me of when I tried to pay the Indian guy at the convenience store with 4 cents, for something that cost one pound sixty-four cents. Oh, good memories. LOL

Ack -

2004-11-17T16:14:00.000-07:00

Last night was probably the worst night of my life. I woke up at 2:30 in the morning and barely made it to the toilet before I puked my guts out. Then I started getting stomach cramps like you wouldn't believe. I was trying to poop to relieve the cramps, and couldn't. I was also literally going from bum to mouth at the toilet. That lasted 4 hours, until 6:30am. I ended up bringing my pillows to the bathroom and laying on the floor.
I can't believe how I forget these things that happen when I am pregnant.

Babies are Great!!

2004-11-15T21:57:00.000-07:00

Liberty gave me an awesome analogy about a homebirth -- she said it's like hiking. Having a homebirth is like hiking compared to having a hospital birth is like taking a drive through the canyon. They both get you to the same place, but one is more of an "experience". I thought that was a really great analogy. Plus, honest truth, it just feels right this time. I'm not saying that I will love it, or even that I will do it again, but I am really looking forward to trying it.

Let me tell you about the miracle drug I am using for my morning sickness. It's amazing. It's called Zofran, and it's an anti-nausea medication that they give to people with cancer on chemotherapy. It's a class A drug (which means it's totally safe for pregnancy, and doesn't cross the placenta). Without it, I would be as sick as I was with Zachary! (I know because I only get 20 pills for a 31-day period, so I have to be selective about what days to take it.)

Liberty is building a spec home in South Orem. We're pretty stoked about it. We just found out even better news, that the two homes being built around it are also specs, and ours is going to be the least expensive. YAHOO! We figure it should sell pretty easily.

I'm pretty sure Liberty is having a boy. She had her ultrasound, and didn't find out, but I watched it and it looked like I saw some "bits and pieces" - if you know what I mean. So, if it is a boy, they are going to name him Titan (Mark's choice).

Oh, this is long, so I'll beat it.

Holly Snooze

2004-11-07T23:12:00.000-07:00

I had a dream about Holly last night. She came home just to check why people weren't writing her. She was SO mad at me, and I couldn't convince her that I REALLY had been writing her emails! Then she decided to move in with my old roommate Morgan, and I was SO ticked off. Ha ha

The side effects of this dream...

2004-11-02T17:35:00.000-07:00

I am not complaining, but I have to vent this. Why does being pregnant cause so much nausea? I wish women who had no morning sickness knew how lucky they actually are. But, it's hard to appreciate something you have never experienced. Let this be my statement: Be ever so grateful if you have had the luxury of skipping morning sickness, know that you have practically gotten away with murder! You are SO lucky!

On another note, I am so excited to be preparing for a new family member. Because I feel so sick, I am inclined to think this will be a boy. Of course, only time will tell.

Halloween and Stuff

2004-11-01T18:55:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't been as sick as I was with Zachary, but I have been pretty sick. Yesterday was the worst. I was severely nauseated in the morning, and by the afternoon I had a migraine. Brett was really unsympathetic in the morning, but then felt really guilty in the afternoon. Silly boy!

My kids had a great Halloween.

They had a lot of fun dressing up. Ciana went as a vampire, Audesi as a kitty, and Zachary as a cow. Audesi wouldn't say anything but "meow" the whole time she was in costume. James took lots of pictures, and I assume he intends to share them.

At our family party Dad convinced all the men, boys and children to bob for apples in the 30 degree weather. I told him that if any of mine got sick I was sending them over to his house. lol

I really want to get a digital camera. My camcorder is great for making movies, but takes really sucky pictures. I am waiting for the day that I have an extra couple hundred dollars, though (like June, probably)..

More Life-ing

2004-10-24T21:50:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday was the worst day of my pregnancy so far. I slept from 9pm the night before until 9am, and took a 3 hour nap from 1pm to 4pm that day. I was SUPER nauseated all day, and just basically felt like crap. It sucked. I am hoping that is the worst of it, and that I don't get sick like I did with Zach. Cross your fingers for me.

I remember how cool Dad was when we were in Germany. Sadly, he's nothing like that back home. He's back to his usual grumpy, "leave me alone" self. It really sucks!

Oh yeah, Liberty and I don't work with Morgan anymore. They had a big blow up, and it was the straw that broke the camel's back. So, we are venturing out on our own, and we are going to do WHO KNOWS WHAT? Liberty has a few ideas, but she is really reticent to act on any of them. She's so afraid (as am I) of having to work for another year without pay to build something up again. There is no chance of a reconciliation, because that was already attempted and failed.

I almost got my power turned off this month. Apparently, a power bill got misplaced, so it didn't get paid. They sent me a shut-off notice AFTER ONE MISSED PAYMENT! How lame is that?

I am going to try a home birth. Remember how far I got with Zach? I figure I probably could have gone the rest of the way, so this time I am basically "putting my money where my mouth is". We'll see...

K - Well, I need to go lay down. I still don't feel very well... :(

I think I am dreaming!

2004-10-05T07:05:00.000-07:00

I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I genuinely thought that those words would never come out of my mouth again. After 15 months of trying to conceive I had lost hope. I have been charting my "basal body temperature" in hopes of achieving pregnancy, and I was going to quit after this month. I just couldn't handle the stress of it any more. What are the odds?

I am SO excited, I can barely contain myself!

Day to Day

2004-10-04T21:13:00.000-07:00

I was going to write this last night, but then I got sidetracked. lol Sorry. Better late than never, right?

Mom and Dad will be home in 2 days! Can you believe it? I am SO excited. They are going to be living in Morg and Mel's basement while they remodel Cliff's house. We went and bought them a bunch of food staples as a welcome home present, so that they wouldn't have to rush out and grocery shop right when they got home. They are having a great time on their vacation.

They shipped four huge boxes out here, and somehow they ended up in Santiago, Chile (ironic, huh?) They are finally in SLC, but we are having a heck of a time getting them out of customs. Sheesh.

Harmony brought Christopher home yesterday. Well, not really home, but here to Utah. He is at UVRMC now. He is SO cute, and SO small (3 lbs 10 oz). He has hernias in his testicles (which made his intestines descend where his testes should when he hits puberty), so he will have those fixed here. Otherwise, he is doing awesome!

I am taking a drafting class. I think it's going to be harder than I thought. I keep reminding myself that everything is hard when you are unfamiliar with it. I couldn't get into the UVSC class, (long story - registration hold then a full class), so I am taking a community ed class. I'll still try to get into the real class at school next semester, but at least this will give me a head start. :)

Brett and I went dancing on Saturday night. It was a lot of fun, but I wore high heels, and my legs and feet were SO sore. It was fun all the same. He said we should do it more often. (yay!)

I made two new friends - Tiburon and Arianne. They are both from Fertility Friend. Arianne lives in AF and Tib lives in downtown SLC. We have met twice now for lunch (and talked about things other than TTC) I really like them, but I wish Tib lived closer!

Shauna is almost completely done with her upstairs. The drywall mudder was there yesterday and is coming back today. She still talks about how awesome it was of Holly Sue to do that front room for her, and get her started.

James permed his hair yesterday. It actually doesn't look bad or funny or anything. It just looks like James' hair. He is going to bleach it this week. (I guess he decided to grow it out so he could have some fun with it.)

Grrrr ...

2004-09-29T21:29:00.000-07:00

My sister, who is also my boss, has been out of town and it is taking it's toll on me. I don't know how she handles it day after day!

I just had some lady come in and rip me a new one. We are building her a house, and the truss plant got backed up, so while we are waiting on trusses, there has been no activity on her house. She is not even my client, but she came in today and demanded her down payment money back. When I told her that even with the delay in the trusses, we are still on schedule, she called me a liar. I basically told her that she needed to take her concerns to Liberty (her realtor, my sister) or Morgan (the builder, my brother) because there was nothing I could do for her, even if I wanted to. Dang it, she made me cry.

I have written her an email in response to her conversation with me. I had to be careful, so as not to drive her further away.

I have been stirring over our discussion concerning your home being built under contract. At Hatfield Homes we strive to focus on the quality of work, while meeting our deadlines and pleasing our clients. At times there are back-ups and delays due to suppliers, or sub-contractors, etc., but the delays are usually small, and we can quickly make up for lost time. I have been reassured that your home is on schedule and that there have been no serious complications. Barring natural disaster, your quality home WILL be completed by December 1, 2004.

We respect you as a client and appreciate your trust in building your home. I understand that with such a large investment it is easy for emotions to run high. Thank you for expressing your apprehensions towards your home with me, and please bring any future concerns to my attention as quickly as possible. By doing this we can avoid potential stressful situations. You are a wonderful client and we enjoy working with you. Thank you!

I hope that she was just venting, and that we don't have a problem as big as she made it seem. What a day!

Random-icity

2004-09-27T21:40:00.000-07:00

Don't even get me started on how BUSY my schedule has been. I actually intended to sit down and write yesterday, but then *something* caught my attention (again) and I forgot. I'm sorry.

It has been crisis after crisis with Liberty and Morgan gone. It seems to be settling down a bit this week, but SHEESH! What a pain.

I am going to let you in on a little secret. You can't tell ANYONE, and when you 'find out' you have to act VERY surprised. Only me, Liberty and Melanie know.

Liberty is pregnant. YIPPEE! She is actually a little bit ticked off, because it wasn't planned. That is why she doesn't want to tell anyone. She wants to deny it's real. Her due date is at the end of March/beginning of April. ISN'T THAT AWESOME! I am excited even if she isn't.

It is so nice to not be working at Modus anymore. I am a little bit nervous on the money side of things, but I know that as long as I pay my tithing and don't spend like an idiot, we'll be okay. :)

I don't know if I have lost weight. I haven't had a chance to way myself. I'll bet I haven't. My clothes still fit the same.

Andrea's plans are still at the city. She is supposed to close this Thursday and then dig on Monday. We'll see

I'm so excited!

2004-09-15T16:07:00.000-07:00

My parents have been on a mission in Germany for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for 18 months, and they are finally coming home! They are actually officially finished with their mission today, but they are staying in Europe for a couple of weeks to do some 'touristing'. They will start with 3 days in Rome, then take a 10-day Mediterranean Cruise, and finish the trip off with 3 days in Barcelona.

Since I was in Europe just three months ago, I'm not all that jealous...EXCEPT THAT CRUISE! Oh my, how I wish I could go on that cruise! Cruising is my favorite way to vacation, (mostly because of the food), and as a result, I am often caught daydreaming about what wonderful cruises I would like to take. Unfortunately, money and the fact that I have 5 children at home, prevents me from fulfilling my cruising fantasies.

Back to the point. I am so excited that my parents are finally coming home. It's amazing how much a 28-year-old woman still needs her mom. I can't tell you how many times I have wished that I could just go park on my mom's barstool and chat with her. Grandkids sprawled through the house, causing various catastrophes in virtual silence. Ahhh, the good old days.

I think that my parents are going to build a house, and will live in a rental until it is finished. The rental they have in mind is not the most sanitary of places, so I am not so sure how much parking I will be doing in that house. But, the house to come... Oh baby, when can I move in? (The answer to that question from my father would be a resounding 'NEVER'.)

I can't wait to be able to find my dad at the farm when I need to talk. It's hard to put crises on hold while you wait through the 8-hour time difference for it to be a reasonable time to call.

I am also hoping that I can get my dad to roll up his sleeves and pitch in to help Brett get the landscaping done at my house. Brett just needs some motivation, and I think my dad could provide that. (Brett claims it will be done before my dad gets home... yeah, we'll see.)

The bottom line is this: My parents are coming home, and I am bursting with anticipation!

Aaargh

2004-09-14T16:21:00.000-07:00

Why do girls fight? It is exceptionally frustrating to me. Julianna seems to glean a great deal of satisfaction from making Ciana feel bad. Where is the payoff? I just don't get it! I don't remember ever being this hateful and mean with my sisters (and I have 5 of them)! Poor Ciana just takes it like a kicked puppy (despite the several talks we have had about standing up for herself, and her self worth, etc). I want to just give up, but I know that because I am the mom, I can't. I have to deal with this until it is solved, or until Julianna turns 18 and moves out, whichever happens first. That's probably the wrong attitude, isn't it?

Yippee!

2004-09-13T05:24:00.000-07:00

Hooray for Community Ed!

I found an AutoCad class that I can take through Community Ed, and it only cost me $70. I won't get credit for it, but at least I will learn the basics of AutoCad. I actually have an at-home lesson plan for learning to draw houseplans, but I got stumped on the first lesson because I was so unfamiliar with AutoCad.

Wish me luck!

10:15 on a Sunday Night?

2004-09-12T22:09:00.000-07:00

It's not really 10:15, I just couldn't think of a title for this post and that Cure song came to mind.

I just wanted to check in.

I am having a hard time fitting school into my life. (Imagine that... 5 kids, and no time for school). I want to learn AutoCad and then floorplan designing, so that I can work from home. My brother is a builder, who is very dissatisfied with his designer, and has offered me the opportunity to draw for him. The only thing standing in my way is three classes at the local college (with which I will accidentally get an Associate's Degree.) Part of the problem was the night job that I just quit. I felt guilty having my children in any more daycare than they already were. But, now that I have quit my night job, I have missed the deadline for enrolling. Grrrr... Nothing like a good Catch-22.

So... do I turn on the 'assertive Crystal' and go over to the school and request an exception? Do they even do that? I'm stuck. I don't like confrontation, but I also don't like paying a babysitter to watch my kids while I work (at my other job, the "day" one).

I dunno.

Last shift, last shift, la la-la la la la!

2004-09-10T17:49:00.000-07:00

I am very excited, because right now I am working off the last six hours of my job at Schmodus Schmedia. I was finally able to quit, after the realization that I was putting my real estate earnings to the wrong use. (Funny how it turns out paying off your credit cards, and then maxing them out again ...repeatedly... is the "wrong use"...)
In short, I realized that I could "live off" of my real estate earnings, rather than squandering them, and I wouldn't have to work two jobs. Why, oh why, did it take me this long to realize?
Now, I have to figure out what to do with the next 5 hours and 11 minutes. Here are some of my choices:

Stare at my fertility chart, hoping that it will magically tell me I am pregnant (even though my period started today).
Stare at my blog, and hope something of fantastic interest will find it's way therein (or would it be thereon?)
Use the company phone to call my parents in Germany. (Okay, I wouldn't really do this, but it is a choice...)
Find a game website that is better than Yahoo! Games. (Actually LDSdigital.com has some pretty cool ones that I have never seen before.)
Read the book that has been sitting in my box for about 3 months. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to read... just not so much books by Dr. Laura.
Send a bulk email to the entire company that lets them know my "true" feelings about my experience here at Schmodus. (I don't really have the ability, but it'd be pretty cool!)

Well. of those options I don't think there is really one that I could do for the entire 4 hours and 57 minutes I have left... I guess I am off to ... um .... well, do something.

The Beginning

2004-09-09T23:18:00.000-07:00

I have a hard time keeping a journal, so I am hoping that I will be better about it if it is right here in front of my face, on my computer. I fancy myself a relatively intelligent person, so I am hoping that people will find what I have to say at least somewhat interesting. I guess only time will tell.

First a little background on me:
My name is Crystal. I am currently 28 years old. I am married to Brett who is currently 39 (how is it that I am almost married to someone who is 40???) We have a total of 5 children. Josh and Julianna are my Brett's from his first marriage, Ciana is mine from my first marriage, and Audesi and Zachary are the product of our marriage to each other. We have been trying for another baby since July of 2003. I never thought in a million years it would take over a year to get pregnant. (It took me all of 3 months after Audesi was born to be pregnant with Zachary...SURPRISE!) We all live in Orem, Utah which is about 40 miles south of Salt Lake City. We are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You can expect a lot of ranting about my infertility here, as well as my thoughts on my children. I intend to be boldly and blatantly honest. Since this is my blog, I kindly request that no one asks me to defend myself or my beliefs. Thanksomuch!

New Family Member

2004-09-06T16:38:00.000-07:00

WE GOT A DOG!

Can you believe it? Brett must have missed Holly so much, that he figured a dog would take her place pretty well. Seriously, though... as silly as it sounds, I prayed for a dog that was housetrained and good with kids, and the VERY next day I got an email in my inbox that said "Who will take a 3-year-old Black Lab. Housetrained and Kid-Proof." Talk about an answer to prayers! I called Brett and asked if we could have him and he said "No". So I said "Please?" "No." "Please?" "No." "Please?" "No." "Please?" "No." "Please?" "No." "Please?" "No." Seriously, I had to BEGGGGGGGGG! Finally he agreed to 'meet him'. Now (after 2 whole days) he is Brett's best friend. (Isn't that the way it always goes?) We named him Dobey and he is AMAZING. Think Sketch, but black and well-behaved. Ha ha.

I think I already told you that I put in my notice at Modus. This is my last week (thank goodness!)

I saw Little Black Book yesterday. It was good... I'm not really sure why it got bad reviews. Gavin's part was very small, and very WEIRD! He didn't look very good either. Huh. ??? I also saw that Macauley Caulkin drag movie, Party Monster. It was WEIRD, but as I thought about it a little more (and after I found out it was a true story), I thought it was interesting. I'd watch it again, knowing now what to expect. Brett was TICKED at me for getting it.

Andrea's house in Sandy sold. She is all moved out, and living with Glenna. The kids are living with me, which is working out surprisingly well. Andrea has her office set up here at the house, but since I work so much, I don't see her at all. I'll be glad when I am done working at Modus and can be home in the evenings. Brett and I see each other on Saturday, Sunday and Monday...

Quick Update

2004-08-30T21:35:00.000-07:00

So, I put my 2 weeks notice in at Modus today. I decided that I was going about it all wrong, so instead of working two jobs and using my comission checks to 'pay down' our debt, I am going to put the comissions that I earn into a savings account, and use them as 'paychecks'. I am getting $2100 from Andrea's house and then another $5000 from the Cornish's within the next two weeks. I can live off of that, and NOT have to work at Modus for about 6-7 months. Plus, I still have paychecks coming in from Liberty. I wish I had thought of this sooner... How will I get through the next two weeks?? That is the question!

Andrea's house is sold, closed and she is moved out. Crazy, huh? Josh and Jules live with us, which isn't so bad (except that Josh has about 30 girls from EFY that he emails, so he hogs my computer.) I can't wait until her house is finished (not because of Josh and Jules, ha ha ha - I just realized that's what that sounded like). I think it is really going to be cute. (I HOPE!)